Poems about cancer

We are very grateful to all of you who have made such an effort to share your personal poems about cancer with us.
Please feel free to send more via email to us ([email protected]).

Discover many more poems at cancernet.co.uk/poems.htm


It Could Have Been Worse

A doctor, a man and his wife
Consider a problem in critical math
– “How many months?” to choose a life
The algebra one does on the path.

“One if by land – two if by sea . . . ”
What you hear is how you prepare.
Some choices in life demand that we
Walk on a trail we’d rather not fare.

As she’s forthright, yes, and also a nurse
The wife said “It could have been worse.“
The husband sat with a smile on his face
– Amused his wife had cut to the chase.

But it could not have been worse!
She should have said the reverse!
But, “two lymph tumors and mass”
Beats “time for treatment has passed.”

“The choice includes both”
He’s tempted to say.
But tomorrow must be chosen today.
The cancer calculus of life and death
– How much pain for how much breath.

So, make your choices as your days take wing.
We lucky ones get to live out “farewell.”
“It could have been worse” – a song to sing.
The length of the path only time will tell.

Donn Furman February 2022

The  Hospital Waiting Room

Inconsequential magazines full of cars and TV screens
Mobile phones and lifestyle choice,
Waiting here with my quiet voice.
The Chrome is warm in my grip of fear,
As no one sees me sitting here,
Heart beating in no mans land,
Time has simply stopped,
My life on hold for ten more minutes,
Until the bombshells dropped.
The corridor seems very long as I slowly walked on through,
Following the Bow Tie with answered stored for you.
Another chair before me, covered in words I never use,
He tells me the reason I am here and what I am about to lose.
It could be this, it could be that,
Take a look and see!
Showing me the photograph of wants inside of me.
Folding up the Polaroid now heavy in my hand.
I sit for a while in Roulette thoughts,
Not knowing where to bet,
Placing chips on Red and Black,
Odds and Evens too,
Covering every base, trying not to lose.
It span, it span, some twenty times,
In the ten minutes my life stopped,
Landing on the Zero in Red and Black in dropped!
I looked back at the Bow Tie,
And thanked him for the spin,
He shook my hand politely congratulating me on my win.
With my winnings in my pocket,
I got up from the chair,
Walked into the waiting room with other players there,
Some will win some will lose, and others never spin.
The rest of us will sit at home with our TV screens,
Wrapped up in cars, mobile phones and inconsequential magazines.

Stephen Collier

A Smile..

We are tethered by IV lines, sequestered in the infusion suite.
Stage four lung cancer has taken up residency in his bones.
Stress funnels into his stepdaughter’s cell phone.
“He’s going to stop drinking and smoking.”
“They’re going to put him on immunotherapy.”
Seeking better reception, his stepdaughter steps out of the suite.
He and I peek glances at each other.
Eye to eye I say, “I’m sorry about your news.
If I were you, I’d go home, open a bottle of twelve year-old scotch and enjoy it.”
As he smiled, his eyes moistened with appreciation.
by Karen Rondon

I AM TIRED

I am tired of living

I am tired of dying

I am tired of fighting

I am tired of smiling

I am tired of crying

I am tired of sitting

I am tired of being brave

I am tired of pretending

I am tired of missing my chickens

I am tired of not feeling human

There is so much of which I am tired

When do I just let it be?

When will I be free?

I have asked God…..

“When will the suffering be done?

Because sometimes I feel it has just begun”.

God does not seem to hear or answer

My many questions about this awful cancer.

So here I sit in these morning hours while all are sleeping

Where I can be myself and no one can hear my weeping.

About my pain and weariness that isn’t cured by rest.

So many questions without answers.

Because there are none regarding cancers.

From my past I know that God will give me strength

To put on a happy face

To keep on pretending

To help others who are fighting

To help others who are crying

To help others who are sad

To help others who cannot walk

To help others who are dying

Joy Kiser

“Dear God, make your light shine on me, that I may have a glad heart and a cheerful face.  Make your face shine on me and be gracious to me that I might have peace.  These things you have promised to me.  Amen”.

The  Hospital Waiting Room

Inconsequential magazines full of cars and TV screens
Mobile phones and lifestyle choice,
Waiting here with my quiet voice.
The Chrome is warm in my grip of fear,
As no one sees me sitting here,
Heart beating in no mans land,
Time has simply stopped,
My life on hold for ten more minutes,
Until the bombshells dropped.
The corridor seems very long as I slowly walked on through,
Following the Bow Tie with answered stored for you.
Another chair before me, covered in words I never use,
He tells me the reason I am here and what I am about to lose.
It could be this, it could be that,
Take a look and see!
Showing me the photograph of wants inside of me.
Folding up the Polaroid now heavy in my hand.
I sit for a while in Roulette thoughts,
Not knowing where to bet,
Placing chips on Red and Black,
Odds and Evens too,
Covering every base, trying not to lose.
It span, it span, some twenty times,
In the ten minutes my life stopped,
Landing on the Zero in Red and Black in dropped!
I looked back at the Bow Tie,
And thanked him for the spin,
He shook my hand politely congratulating me on my win.
With my winnings in my pocket,
I got up from the chair,
Walked into the waiting room with other players there,
Some will win some will lose, and others never spin.
The rest of us will sit at home with our TV screens,
Wrapped up in cars, mobile phones and inconsequential magazines.

Stephen Collier

A Smile..

We are tethered by IV lines, sequestered in the infusion suite.
Stage four lung cancer has taken up residency in his bones.
Stress funnels into his stepdaughter’s cell phone.
“He’s going to stop drinking and smoking.”
“They’re going to put him on immunotherapy.”
Seeking better reception, his stepdaughter steps out of the suite.
He and I peek glances at each other.
Eye to eye I say, “I’m sorry about your news.
If I were you, I’d go home, open a bottle of twelve year-old scotch and enjoy it.”
As he smiled, his eyes moistened with appreciation.
by Karen Rondon

Questions on my mind

We all have questions about it,
A list that’s very long
Why is this happening to me?
What did I do wrong?
What does this mean? What happens now?
And when will this be gone?
Will the treatments ever end?
And when will I be done?
It’s such a dreaded word to hear,
It fills our hearts with fear
Is this the end? Is there no more?
Is the reaper near?
Cancer is a nasty disease, why does it exist?
Who can give the answers I need,
Perhaps my specialist?
They work so hard to help me out, to get rid of this thing
That lives rent free inside of me
Why is it not leaving?
Radiotherapy and MRI’s,
throw in some chemo too,
Whatever it takes to win this fight
And make sure I beat you
Will I survive, or will it win?
There’s no sure way to know
This is why I have these questions
And sometimes feel so low
Will I see my children grow,
Or get to see grandkids?
I wish to feel that extra love
Just like my parents did
What is this light at the end of the tunnel?
Is it my time to die?
Luckily my doctor said
It’s just my MRI
When will I find out how it went? How did the scan go?
Waiting impatiently to find out,
Did my tumour grow?
There is one question that I can answer
And this I know for sure.
Will it win and knock me back?
No it won’t no more
I can’t always express my thoughts,. I sometimes hold it in
But one year later ask me this,
Will I let it win?
No I won’t, I’ll beat it, defy all the odds
I’ll fight all day, fight all night. This, I swear on God.
Luke Nock
June 2023
.

The  Hospital Waiting Room

Inconsequential magazines full of cars and TV screens
Mobile phones and lifestyle choice,
Waiting here with my quiet voice.
The Chrome is warm in my grip of fear,
As no one sees me sitting here,
Heart beating in no mans land,
Time has simply stopped,
My life on hold for ten more minutes,
Until the bombshells dropped.
The corridor seems very long as I slowly walked on through,
Following the Bow Tie with answered stored for you.
Another chair before me, covered in words I never use,
He tells me the reason I am here and what I am about to lose.
It could be this, it could be that,
Take a look and see!
Showing me the photograph of wants inside of me.
Folding up the Polaroid now heavy in my hand.
I sit for a while in Roulette thoughts,
Not knowing where to bet,
Placing chips on Red and Black,
Odds and Evens too,
Covering every base, trying not to lose.
It span, it span, some twenty times,
In the ten minutes my life stopped,
Landing on the Zero in Red and Black in dropped!
I looked back at the Bow Tie,
And thanked him for the spin,
He shook my hand politely congratulating me on my win.
With my winnings in my pocket,
I got up from the chair,
Walked into the waiting room with other players there,
Some will win some will lose, and others never spin.
The rest of us will sit at home with our TV screens,
Wrapped up in cars, mobile phones and inconsequential magazines.

Stephen Collier

A Smile..

We are tethered by IV lines, sequestered in the infusion suite.
Stage four lung cancer has taken up residency in his bones.
Stress funnels into his stepdaughter’s cell phone.
“He’s going to stop drinking and smoking.”
“They’re going to put him on immunotherapy.”
Seeking better reception, his stepdaughter steps out of the suite.
He and I peek glances at each other.
Eye to eye I say, “I’m sorry about your news.
If I were you, I’d go home, open a bottle of twelve year-old scotch and enjoy it.”
As he smiled, his eyes moistened with appreciation.
by Karen Rondon

This is what cancer feels like

A fisherman once told me that there is a creature
Beneath the glass surface, its tentacles sometimes reach
For the neck of the sleeping bodies, cover them in jelly tears,
Transform them into indigo spirits, walking the edge of consciousness.

You have to tame that creature, wrestle it against the azure waves,
Insult the wind, tell him that the colour of death is blue,
That the fishermen are just a few wrinkled masks, eroding every day
Layer by layer, losing their fatherhood, till they become sloshed in the sky.

Speak the Cancer

From whom are you hiding your pain?
For whom are you wearing that smile?
Do you have someone to lend you  a shoulder,
To let you know that it’s okay to cry?

Yes my friend, it’s normal to feel drained and
To feel pained ,both inside out!
It’s okay to scream when they prick you,
Over and over to treat you.

There’s no wrong in being angry,
You must vent, shouldn’t stay inside.
Some days are bad, I know!.
But when you have

The best ones around, everything turns out to be good.
You must speak your fears,
Cancer is no taboo.
You can be anxious as long as you have a pal ,

Who’ll pat your shoulder and give you a  hug.
Speaking about it won’t portray you weak, instead..
Joarding inside will kill you,
so speak now!

 Cancer Won’t change me

Hair or no hair I don’t care
I have cancer but I don’t care
Cancer you don’t own me
I’ll live my life the way I love
I’ll spend it with those I love
I’ll enjoy running along the river
and playing badminton too.
So, whenever you fancy a laugh
or a night out with a few cocktails
remember I am always right here.
Please don’t ever feel sorry for me
just your love & support will carry me.
Cancer, you will not change me
I’m Sam, and I will always be me!

by Sam Patel

Sorrow

You’re Standing in the fire
Burning all that you desire.
I can’t bare this no more,
Hopes, dreams flat on the floor.

You helped me through the pain and tears for years,
Spoke words of wisdom and priceless advises.

Now you speak without sound
But I hear you clearly.
Help me out of this fire,
I want to feel disere.

I wanted to see your smile,
Not six months of watching you die.

written by   Sune Hede – Wait for me.


This is what cancer feels like

A fisherman once told me that there is a creature

Beneath the glass surface, its tentacles sometimes reach

For the neck of the sleeping bodies, cover them in jelly tears,

Transform them into indigo spirits, walking the edge of consciousness.

You have to tame that creature, wrestle it against the azure waves,

Insult the wind, tell him that the colour of death is blue,

That the fishermen are just a few wrinkled masks, eroding every day

Layer by layer, losing their fatherhood, till they become sloshed in the sky.

 Cancer Won’t change me

Hair or no hair I don’t care
I have cancer but I don’t care
Cancer you don’t own me
I’ll live my life the way I love
I’ll spend it with those I love
I’ll enjoy running along the river
and playing badminton too.
So, whenever you fancy a laugh
or a night out with a few cocktails
remember I am always right here.
Please don’t ever feel sorry for me
just your love & support will carry me.
Cancer, you will not change me
I’m Sam, and I will always be me!

by Sam Patel

A Smile..

We are tethered by IV lines, sequestered in the infusion suite.
Stage four lung cancer has taken up residency in his bones.
Stress funnels into his stepdaughter’s cell phone.
“He’s going to stop drinking and smoking.”
“They’re going to put him on immunotherapy.”
Seeking better reception, his stepdaughter steps out of the suite.
He and I peek glances at each other.
Eye to eye I say, “I’m sorry about your news.
If I were you, I’d go home, open a bottle of twelve year-old scotch and enjoy it.”
As he smiled, his eyes moistened with appreciation.
by Karen Rondon

Sorrow

You’re Standing in the fire
Burning all that you desire.
I can’t bare this no more,
Hopes, dreams flat on the floor.

You helped me through the pain and tears for years,
Spoke words of wisdom and priceless advises.

Now you speak without sound
But I hear you clearly.
Help me out of this fire,
I want to feel disere.

I wanted to see your smile,
Not six months of watching you die.

written by   Sune Hede – Wait for me.


Becky bishop

I DID NOT SEE YOU COMING

I didn’t see you coming, as I was told the news

My emotions all over the place, you left me shocked and confused

I didn’t see you coming, as you seeped within my cells

Launching an attack on my body, making me feel unwell

I didn’t see you coming, as I lay in my hospital bed

Fearing for the future, my mind full of dread

I didn’t see you coming, I struggled to understand

But the nurses were always there, to sit and hold my hand

I didn’t see you coming, as you caused me pain

Undergoing rounds of treatment, time and time again

I didn’t see you coming, as you destroyed my hair

Losing all my locks, a wig I had to wear

I didn’t see you coming, as you made me sick and weak

Daily tasks were an effort, it was a struggle getting through each week

I didn’t see you coming, as you affected my family too

Making them feel helpless and wondering what they could do

I didn’t see you coming, you caught me unaware

Why did you pick me, it really wasn’t fair

But cancer, you didn’t see me coming, as my body you seeped within

I’m doing my best to fight you, I’m not going to let you win

©beckybishop

 Cancer Won’t change me

Hair or no hair I don’t care
I have cancer but I don’t care
Cancer you don’t own me
I’ll live my life the way I love
I’ll spend it with those I love
I’ll enjoy running along the river
and playing badminton too.
So, whenever you fancy a laugh
or a night out with a few cocktails
remember I am always right here.
Please don’t ever feel sorry for me
just your love & support will carry me.
Cancer, you will not change me
I’m Sam, and I will always be me!

by Sam Patel

A Smile..

We are tethered by IV lines, sequestered in the infusion suite.
Stage four lung cancer has taken up residency in his bones.
Stress funnels into his stepdaughter’s cell phone.
“He’s going to stop drinking and smoking.”
“They’re going to put him on immunotherapy.”
Seeking better reception, his stepdaughter steps out of the suite.
He and I peek glances at each other.
Eye to eye I say, “I’m sorry about your news.
If I were you, I’d go home, open a bottle of twelve year-old scotch and enjoy it.”
As he smiled, his eyes moistened with appreciation.
by Karen Rondon

Sorrow

You’re Standing in the fire
Burning all that you desire.
I can’t bare this no more,
Hopes, dreams flat on the floor.

You helped me through the pain and tears for years,
Spoke words of wisdom and priceless advises.

Now you speak without sound
But I hear you clearly.
Help me out of this fire,
I want to feel disere.

I wanted to see your smile,
Not six months of watching you die.

written by   Sune Hede – Wait for me.


Breast Cancer 

Checking your breasts regularly
Upper chest and armpits too,
Is crucial to early diagnosis
Know what is normal to you.

Lumps, thickening of breast tissue
One breast becomes larger or lower,
Make sure you attend breast screening
If you are fifty or over.

Everyone’s breasts are different
Different times of month and age,
Look out for changes unusual to you
If worried, GP please engage.

Puckering or dimpling of skin
Continuous pain causing strife,
Reporting changes without delay
Can make a difference to your life.

Have your nipples inverted (turned in)?
Have they changed shape or position?
Developing a rash, crusting or discharge
If any of these, it’s your mission.

Make an appointment with your GP
Remember this is your body,
Early diagnosis can make a difference
Better to be safe than sorry.

Written by Bill Mckechnie


Because I never gave up on me

Walking down the hall without that horrid IV
No words can do justice to how I feel so free
I one so small have conquered that roaring “C”
And showed you all I can, because I never gave up on me.

Not many believed, they lose faith fast
Not even I dreamt how long I’d last
They said it had ended when the stone was cast
But I showed you all I could, because I never gave up on me.

Oh how the pain burned
Slow like seasons turned
And to give up I yearned
But I showed you strength, because I never gave up on me.

With silent tears I struggled on
My only hope she now was gone
From above her light shone
I showed her I was grateful, because I never gave up on me.

Lying in bed
Listening to sounds I dread
Screams of a child and loved ones who cry
There are too many miles to go why can’t I just die.
My skin is sore
From the needles I bore
The drugs I take
They make me ache
I’m tired of fighting let’s end this bid,
oh why can’t I just be a normal kid?
I’d show myself and I’d show you all
That I made it through with my back against the wall
Because I never gave up on me.

In size and in strength may you never judge me
I won that battle because I had faith in me
There is so much more that you can’t see
And I showed you all, because I never gave up on me.

Walking down the hall without that horrid IV
No words can do justice to how I feel so free,
I one so small have conquered that roaring “C”
And showed you all I can, because I never gave up on me. By CHRISTINE MULVIHILL


The power of cancer.

It can’t take my memories.
Except at the end.

It can’t swallow love.
But can change it forever.

It can’t change who God is.
Or where I go next.

It can’t stop the world.
But will let me get off.

It will destroy me in body.
But can’t change the past.

It can’t use computers
You’re reading this now.

 Your Fight

I’m searching for the right words
Finding the best way to convey
How much I need you in this life
Which is exactly where you’ll stay
I’m searching hard and deep within
For all the courage and the might
To be the best support you need
Through each day and restless night
You have never left my side
At times when I fall apart
You care when I am hurting
I see the way you try to protect my heart
You encourage me to see the positive
When I always seem to think the worst
You rightfully suggested I stop running
And face my problems headfirst
When I was fighting suicidal thoughts
You assured me there is always a reason to go on
You show me I’m worthy of love
My past demons tells me no but I’m learning how to move on
It’s time to start this journey
Toward the realms of the unknown
Rest knowing I would never leave you
To face this nightmare alone.
My heart breaks as I cry helpless tears
As I see you scared with tear filled eyes
You try to hold it back concerned for me
All this is overwhelming that we can’t deny.
When you go through times when you’re weary of it all
I’ll push you to dig deep inside
If you need someone when you feel alone.
I’ll be here for you with arms open wide
When your stressing over doubt
I’ll assure you everything is fine and
To never underestimate the power
Of the right state of mind
I wish I could take away
The burdens that weigh you down
I’ll find a way to help you float
When I notice you start to drown
Believe it when I say it that
No matter what we face
Together we’ll get through it
One step at a time at our own pace
I notice the emotions you naturally try to hide
I help you learn it’s okay for them to show
I myself avoid them pushing them deep inside
In time if not careful they will overflow
I believe there is always a reason
For whatever comes our way
There’s always beauty to be seen
On even the most unpleasant days
Never let go of what hope you have
Without it you go insane
Don’t invite defeat before the start
Or all effort after will turn out to be in vain
When the fear of death starts trying to consume
It can lead to deeper thinking like what matters to you most
You reach out to those you love and them hold them extra close
You can’t understand without feeling so confused
You can’t feel peace without dealing first with terror and strife
You can’t feel the joy unless you’ve felt despair
Upon these realizations we gain a more realistic view of life
Cherish it all now before it’s too late
Find a way to laugh when you tired of sorrow
Because one day you’ll realize that with every life
There is no guarantee of tomorrow
Don’t allow yourself to overthink
About things you cant control
Try to calm your racing mind
Or else it will slowly take it’s toll.
When it feels like there’s too much to do
Sometimes it may even try to take your breath away
Just imagine or dream of a better place
Hurry run before the demons come out to play
We’re gonna make it through this
Strength will come from God above
I foresee the day we look back on it
and be proud to see what we’re truly made of
Trust me everything will be alright
You wanna know how I know it?
I know you well how you can’t stand to lose and way too stubborn to quit
I have this feeling deep inside my soul
Through the power of prayer if your asking I believe
I see that God is holding you in His healing hands.
With faith you’ll be surprised what you can achieve.
Lastly, thank you for being you
One thing I’ve said many time before
I love you lots my Leo friend
Lets together go win this raging war    by Lindsay Campbell

Breast Cancer 

Checking your breasts regularly
Upper chest and armpits too,
Is crucial to early diagnosis
Know what is normal to you.

Lumps, thickening of breast tissue
One breast becomes larger or lower,
Make sure you attend breast screening
If you are fifty or over.

Everyone’s breasts are different
Different times of month and age,
Look out for changes unusual to you
If worried, GP please engage.

Puckering or dimpling of skin
Continuous pain causing strife,
Reporting changes without delay
Can make a difference to your life.

Have your nipples inverted (turned in)?
Have they changed shape or position?
Developing a rash, crusting or discharge
If any of these, it’s your mission.

Make an appointment with your GP
Remember this is your body,
Early diagnosis can make a difference
Better to be safe than sorry.

Written by Bill Mckechnie


Because I never gave up on me

Walking down the hall without that horrid IV
No words can do justice to how I feel so free
I one so small have conquered that roaring “C”
And showed you all I can, because I never gave up on me.

Not many believed, they lose faith fast
Not even I dreamt how long I’d last
They said it had ended when the stone was cast
But I showed you all I could, because I never gave up on me.

Oh how the pain burned
Slow like seasons turned
And to give up I yearned
But I showed you strength, because I never gave up on me.

With silent tears I struggled on
My only hope she now was gone
From above her light shone
I showed her I was grateful, because I never gave up on me.

Lying in bed
Listening to sounds I dread
Screams of a child and loved ones who cry
There are too many miles to go why can’t I just die.
My skin is sore
From the needles I bore
The drugs I take
They make me ache
I’m tired of fighting let’s end this bid,
oh why can’t I just be a normal kid?
I’d show myself and I’d show you all
That I made it through with my back against the wall
Because I never gave up on me.

In size and in strength may you never judge me
I won that battle because I had faith in me
There is so much more that you can’t see
And I showed you all, because I never gave up on me.

Walking down the hall without that horrid IV
No words can do justice to how I feel so free,
I one so small have conquered that roaring “C”
And showed you all I can, because I never gave up on me. By CHRISTINE MULVIHILL


The power of cancer.

It can’t take my memories.
Except at the end.

It can’t swallow love.
But can change it forever.

It can’t change who God is.
Or where I go next.

It can’t stop the world.
But will let me get off.

It will destroy me in body.
But can’t change the past.

It can’t use computers
You’re reading this now.

My Dad

I feel so empty feel so blue so scared of what my life will be like without you.
I feel so useless yet i try so hard hate feeling this helpless makes me sad.
It’s my job I should know what to do but all training and advice was never meant for you.
Once so strong and full of life a family man with kids and a wife .
You worked long days you walked home to Dad there was nothing that you couldn’t do.
The fairy stories while sat on your knee will always mean the world to me .
Warming my hands on dads hairy chest and listening to you sing was simply the best.
Only now we realise what we will miss that look in your eyes and a hug and a kiss.
The memories will last forever dosent stop it being harder than ever.
I don’t want to say goodbye not fair you have to go .

Not now when I love and need you so.
Why is life so unfair I wonder while I stroke your hair
Hate to see u so tired and laying so still makes me realise the pain you must’ve been in all you’ve been through and the hurt that you’ve had determination got you through thats you that’s you…..  my dad. Stubborn and strict that’s how it would be .

Your intentions were good u were thinking of Me.
I’m just the baby the youngest one it didn’t hurt this bad when losing my mum .
As I’ve grown older ive learnt to see all the things you’ve done for me.
The advice at times fell on deaf ears but you were there regardless even through the tears.
Honest and straight to the point  like it or not u had your voice.
It hurts me to see how things have changed your personality  just isn’t the same to see u weak and tired too it breaks my heart it feels  likes it’s torn into two.

We didnt always agree and at times i was angry just being me.
Hot headed and stupid u just let me be me .
I know I was no angel and I made times hard but you never gave up no matter how hard.
Dad I just love you wish you could see what a difference having you there has meant for me .

No words can explain or stop the inevitable but I want you to know dad I think you are incredible ??It’s so unfair how life has changed although the pain eases the loneliness remains .


Prize fighter

I don’t want you to die,
And I don’t want you to just beat it,
I want you to scrap with it like a street brawler,
Rip its cuffs and tear the lapels from its shirt.
Drown it in a muddy piss filled puddle,
Flip a coin as you walk away.

I want you to live and argue with it endlessly,
I want you to be irritated by it and impatient
as you are with me right now.
You say my life’s a hamster wheel of disaster.
You laugh at its silliness, scratching at the uneven patches under your wig.
This monstrosity, you say, it looks like a badger’s arse.

 I gaze at your face now,
Irish and watery eyed with fear and mirth.
There’s a line under your eye
that you didn’t have before…and soft red marks on your hands.

Prize fighter.
Fight dirty and grab it by its dark balls, or
if it happens to be a lady,
dig your nails in and pull out her hair. All’s fair.

Like for like.
Be the rebel your ancestors might have been,
Wear your heels and wrestle in the mud,
Smoke a cigarette in a glamourous way and throw champagne in its face.
Wipe the smile off its filthy face,
Wipe a smear of oil across your face.

Roll your sleeves up…the gloves should be off.
But let’s not talk in clichés,
Powerless. You’re better than that.
Clinch it…twist it…bring it down on the nub of your knee.
Kick the stool from under it.

But never forget, sunshine.
I’m in your corner…sponge in hand,
Bellowing at you, above the ragged crowd.
I don’t want you to die.
Prize fighter.

Cancer –  a poem

There’s a great expectation that grows in my heart

whenever I see your bloodshot eyes lighten up

There’s a great expectation that grows in my heart

A greater expectation sometimes

Whenever you open your mouth to smile.

I’d rush up to the side of your bed

Pressing my ears close to your freckle mouth

As your mutter words into my ears

I’d behold your atrophied face between my tear torn eyes

And wonder what it was that ate up your weight

Then I’d smile too

At your wordless and sick joke.

 

I’d pace my glance round through the room

In search of traces of what you used to be;

Happy, lively, funny, yet cocky.

 

Then I’d stand two feet away

From what you have become

And behold the pale pink color of skin,

The barren bald surface of your skull,

The tragic trap of tragic traps

Closely sewn to the temple of your face

 

Then I’d gasp at the shock of your horror movie

As I dashed towards the sink

Welling up in heaps of sadness

At the joy, your illness has snatched

 

Then I’d rise up from the sink

I’d water down my slime

And walk back to your cradle-like bed

“You’d be fine darling”

I’d lie out to your weak ears;

like they do in the movies

 

But now that I  stare at you

I expect nothing more

At least not anymore

Since your bones now poke your scrawny skin

In a bid of treacherous display

Of atrophy, of dejection, of pale moles of different sizes

Urgh!

Life has given me you

And given you cancer.

Results

To find out that I wouldn’t need my climbing gear was a shock.

Almost a disappointment.
I now understand blank astonishment.

I was so sure that I knew where I was going and to find I was wrong was disquieting.
I had rehearsed my reactions to being faced by mountains;

Trying to look on the bright side of them and appreciating their grandeur;
preparing so thoroughly that I forgot to pack the sun cream.

I was blinded by the level, benign beach and shady palms.
This was all mine to run across and roll about on and dance along.

Why do I not feel like dancing?
Where is relief? Reprieve?

Just perplexed and I guess stunned.


Waiting for Results

I’m being taken on holiday but it’s a surprise. I wonder where I’m going? I think I’ve guessed but I’ve been wrong before. What do I pack? It could be cold and rainy, could be a tropical paradise.

I had better pack everything.
I wonder where I’m going? I think I’ve guessed. I feel it in my bones. Have I remembered to pack everything? I may need scuba gear, climbing gear, warm clothes or bikini.

I think the bikini unlikely but I try to fit it in the case.
I lie awake considering all possibilities and trying not to, knowing it futile.

I wake early. I don’t want to miss the flight. It’s a 40 minute trip to the airport and will we be able to park? I hope I have everything packed.
I’ve had plenty of time to consider.

Folks say ‘be positive,’ but it’s not them who’ll get wet if they don’t take a mack. If it’s a tropical island then that’s great. I can leave the mack in the case.
I wait for the taxi, full of anticipation.

I wonder where I’m going?
I’ll only know when I’m on the plane

Chemo in winter/ Everyday life.

I come-to wearily, conscious of the slight ache in my shoulder.
I hold the kettle under the cold tap, one foot on the other on the chilly lino.

I watch the sheep from the kitchen window while I wait for the kettle to click off.
They are nibbling the hedge. I don’t know what attracts them. It looks bare to me.

I take my cereal and tea back to bed and arrange my two duvets, my hat and my scarf.
I am lucky to have an appetite.

Once I’ve drunk my tea I’ll have a cup of water then clean my teeth, have a salt-water rinse and try and chase some more sleep.

Despite it being a bright, sunny day out there, sometimes you just can’t find the will to live each day as if it were your last.

Silver linings

I will always be young and beautiful.
The tragic heroine has been a favourite part.
I have no pension plan.
What a brilliant decision!

What percentage do my investments earn?
Well, it doesn’t matter!

How will my tattoo look aged 65?
Er, sort of crumbly and brown.

Smoking kills you.
The cancer already does.

How does it feel to be the living dead?
I can stare death in the face and almost hold it’s hypnotic gaze.

Its nearness makes everything clearer, brighter, darker.
My fiancée has commitment issues.
Not any more he doesn’t!

Watching people’s faces when you tell them you haven’t long left.
I love to get a reaction.

‘Mum’

My mother lost her life today
When lost in grief it’s hard to say
How much that woman touched my heart
Dysfunctional family worn apart
But in our final days together

We sat with Mum in sunny weather
As years of cancer wore her down
She’s fin-a-lly at peace, no frown
So grateful for those final days
She loved us all in different ways

She smiled at me at held my hand
I squeezed back gently, bedside manned
When she needed to know that we were there
We sat watching from grey chair
When scared and pained and short of breath

We settled her, no fear of death
We reminisced of holidays
And smiles all round at better days
We sat and watched her rest in peace
As pain so harsh did finally cease
Thank you for our time together
Now we can be at peace forever

An open letter to cancer’

Cancer you’re a wanker
You make far too many sick
Cancer you’re an arsehole
An annoying little prick

Cancer you’re such a hater
I don’t want to see you back
Cancer please don’t take her
I’ll do anything to retract

Cancer can’t you see
How much pain you cause
If you spread health instead of pain
You’d get so much more applause
Cancer please just give us
The time back that’s too late

Cancer it’s so unfair
Why so many do you hate?
Cancer you suck the future
From so many that you touch
I beg for one more life spared
Would that really be too much?

Things we never say

(Things we never say on an angry day when they’re only trying to help).

“You know, you’re not the only one’
I say ‘True, true.’
Because it is.
I don’t say ‘Thanks, I feel much smaller now.’
and ‘I don’t care; this is happening to me.’

You know, there are others who are much worse off’
I say ‘True, true.’
Because it is.
I don’t say ‘Thanks, I feel much guiltier now.’
and ‘Do you think I don’t know that?’

‘You know that this attitude is selfish and self-pitying’
I say ‘True, true.’
Because it is.
I don’t say ‘Thanks, I feel so pitiful now.’
and ‘Do you think I want to feel like this?’

You know, any of us could be hit by a bus tomorrow’
I say ‘True, true.’
Because it is.
I don’t say ‘Thanks, I feel melodramatic now.’
Or ‘I look forward to that.’

‘You know, you should be positive’
I say ‘Perhaps, perhaps’
Because it’s probably true.
I don’t say ‘Thanks, I feel a failure now.’
and ‘How does that work exactly?? Wanna show me?’

‘You know, you need to fight it’
I say ‘True, true.’
Because it probably is.
I don’t say ‘Thanks, I feel much weaker now.’
and ‘Which weapons do you suggest I employ?’

You know, that miracles can happen’
I say ‘True, true.’
Because it is.
I don’t say ‘Thanks, I feel so faithless now.’
or ‘Yeah, but let’s face it; that’s not going to happen.’

 

Why did I smoke?

I looked in the mirror and what did I see?

A bald headed person staring at me,

The chemotherapy certainly works,

I`m fed up laying in my bed,

feeling sickly,

it is just as they said,

My weight has gone down in a matter of days

Dont feel like eating , cancer certainly has its different ways.

I used to smoke ,40 years and more,

why stop I used to say , smoking isnt a chore,

I wont get cancer, me ! no way,

so now look at me with only one lung,

They were right cancer isnt much fun.

So if you smoke and think it wont happen to you.

Take heed of my words they are really true.

Look at that Girl

Oh look at that girl, oh so fair…with hair of curly golden locks of sunkissed hair.
Lock by lock I see it fall, but that’s not my flower, I don’t have to climb that wall.
Gosh that’s sad, but it’s not me. It’s not my fight. It will never be.
You see a commercial, you shed a tear. Thank God it’s not my child. It won’t ever be.
The flower wilts day by day.
What was bright and shiny slowly turns to grey.
There are cries for help and tears running down, there are smiles too of course,
here and there, but then comes the frown.
This IS MY LIFE…..this IS MY FLOWER that I was given to protect but I dont have
the power.
I scream and I yell but no one hears.
Now we talk about life in months…there may not be years.
The hardest part of any battle is not the end where peace lies ahead, but the fight
itself where fear and pain rear their ugly head.
The hardest part of watching my daughter suffer this illness is not knowing one day
that she will be at peace with her father.
No, it’s like watching a majestic lion with its magnificent roar..who cannot be
tamed, a beautiful creature standing tall and proud.. being put into chains, until
little by little its will is broken down.
Listening to the cries for help that I cannot answer.
“Why won’t you help me mommy? Please don’t make me go in there.”
Sparkling blue eyes so full of life, so quickly lose their sight.
Losing someone you love takes your breath away, but what is worse is watching every
day- losing someone you love one piece at a time is by far worse, mere words can’t
describe.
Now and forever, what cancer can’t take away is the fight my little girl gave and is
still giving every step of the way.

-Angela Jackura
I am the mother of a 4 yr old precious girl battling a terminal brain tumor

The Right to be a Bird

To grace the morning with your song
To fly so freely all day long
To perch upon a sturdy tree
And watch the world pass peacefully
To see the beauty from great height
To feel so resonant and light
To watch the river flowing past
Your body free from pain at last
To change your course when you see fit
To fly some more, then rest a bit

To sit on church tops, spirit free
To feel close to divinity
To visit people at your will
To cheap and chirp and call and trill
To have the time for contemplation

Travel lots during migration
To soak up sunbeams on your face
To take the day at your own pace
To make great patterns in the sky
To swoop and soar and flutter by

Your body’s left a life absurd
You’ve earned the right to be a bird


Confusing Season

Sugar dust sprinkled
On a tall shrouded hill
So far away
And I’m missing you still

Ahead there is sunshine
But a bite in the air
Such a mixture of weather
How I wish you were there
And the blackbirds are calling
For the Spring toarrive
And I call on thoughts

That help keep you alive
My hands they are freezing
And the river flows on
Even friends can lack patience
Wishing me to move on
And the train winds ahead
And it transports my soul
And a swan calls out to me

How I long to feel whole
This journey is bumpy
Full of highs and of lows
And the pain of your passing

So intense, no one knows
It’s a puzzle, a riddle
And who knows the reason
I am carried along
By this confusing season

Bittersweet Limerick

You’d barely retired a year
When fate filled our lives full of fear
My heart started pounding
The news was dumbfounding

So hard as I couldn’t be near
You phoned on a Friday at four
My heart it collapsed on the floor
Said it wasn’t a good one

But you’d deal with it head on
And I knew you would fight, that’s for sure
How the chemicals burned you inside
Even right at your lowest you tried
To start each day anew

Not to focus on you
Taking each grueling step in your stride
We all knew what we would be losing
Our hearts slowly sinking and bruising
Yet you still soldiered on
Til the day you passed on
Showed us life is out there for the choosing


More than Ashes

You are not just ashes
You are so much more
You are with me in the morning
When I’m insecure

With me when I’m walking
Robin on the tree
With me when I’m lonely
Saying gentle words to me
You are with us in the lounge

Each Friday night at seven
Saying cheers from high above
And sending love from heaven
You are not just ashes
You’re deep within my soul
With me when my thoughts are scattered
Helping me feel whole
With me when I light a candle
There when I feel sad
Our lovely walks come back to me
They always will dear Dad

This Curse
By CHRISTINE MULVIHILL

I used to think life would be perfect, never a frown on my face
I’d have a perfect figure and always travel with grace,
I could pick my man from a catalogue that’s grown fit for a queen
I never thought that the people I loved could ever be so mean.

Life kind of just hit me not waiting ’til I was ready
Knocked me from my stance in which I was so steady
It changed me as a person, a person that’s not me
It has changed me into everything I don’t want to be.
Sometimes I just can’t grasp it with the help of all my friends
It’s like trying to wrap your arms around a tree that never ends.

When I look in the mirror I despise what I see
The person starring back doesn’t resemble me,
She’s quite a different person with her heart so out of place
She becomes invisible when the tears run down her face.
She built a wall of shame around her soul and let’s no one in
She can fool you with her smile even though she cries within.
She keeps her feeling locked up in her heart
So when she’s all alone is when she falls apart.

I act as if I have it together and everything is in place
But when you’re not looking the tears begin to race
While people surround me I pretend not to care
My heart bleeds in pain when they are not there.

When my stomach gurgles with rage, you think its indigestion
But what is broken is more the appropriate question.
What is broken cannot be fixed so don’t worry my friend
I’ll take this curse from the beginning to the very end.
Help me if you can listen, help me if you will
But I can’t cure this curse because there is no pill.

My ode to chemo

You’re no friend of mine
You make me wanna puke
When I think I’m feeling fine

You creep and crawl
Inside my body parts
Turn innocent gas
Into unexpected sharts

You took away
My beautiful golden hair
Now just a bald head
Resides atop there

You’re cruel and mean
Unpredictable too
I never know from day to day
What you’re gonna do

So I had a talk with God
We walked hand and hand
Walked forever it seemed
Across the Holy land

God gave me a smile
Polished up a crown
Even bejeweled and bedazzled it
Said this will never let you down

He gave me a kiss
Upon my rosy cheek
Said this chemo
Ain’t for the weak

As He walked away
My smile got brighter
Let this be known
I’m one hell of a fighter

Cancer doesn’t define me
I’ve got a good soul
Cause this people
Is how I roll

So at the end of the day
You and I need to click
Because we both know
CANCER is the REAL PRICK

Love thy Neighbour

As I sit in the chair, nervous fingers through my hair
I gaze at his lips
Searching for hints and tips
I snap to attention when I hear
The dreaded words I fear
He says, “You have a year at most –
Draw your loved ones near
By email or by post-
Live life to the max
Play the piano or learn the sax”
So I did as I was told, my life no longer on hold
I left my old baggage, embraced a new package
My bucket list revised, my loved ones apprised
My God came first-to love Him with ferocity
My kids followed- to love them with veracity
Yours truly came next- to live life with audacity
As my time draws near, I’ve eschewed all fear
Hear me laugh out loud
As the kids do me proud
As my God begins the remould
My gifts begin to unfold
My life takes on new meaning
Peace and love now streaming
I never saw it before,
Who would’ve thought a deadline Could’ve revealed a pipeline
To God’s very core?
I see it so clearly, I understand it quite simply
Life is shorter than you think
Don’t wait until you’re at the brink
No ones gonna make it
No one survives
Not the way you think
Be kind to yourself
Simply love thy neighbour as
thyself

By Vivian Zems

My ode to chemo

You’re no friend of mine
You make me wanna puke
When I think I’m feeling fine

You creep and crawl
Inside my body parts
Turn innocent gas
Into unexpected sharts

You took away
My beautiful golden hair
Now just a bald head
Resides atop there

You’re cruel and mean
Unpredictable too
I never know from day to day
What you’re gonna do

So I had a talk with God
We walked hand and hand
Walked forever it seemed
Across the Holy land

God gave me a smile
Polished up a crown
Even bejeweled and bedazzled it
Said this will never let you down

He gave me a kiss
Upon my rosy cheek
Said this chemo
Ain’t for the weak

As He walked away
My smile got brighter
Let this be known
I’m one hell of a fighter

Cancer doesn’t define me
I’ve got a good soul
Cause this people
Is how I roll

So at the end of the day
You and I need to click
Because we both know
CANCER is the REAL PRICK

 

A Call from my Mom

A call from mom,
In aching voice, she said,
“Not seen you for months,
Come and see me,
Know, you are busy in life”;
In next flight I reached home,
But found her in hospital bed;
Dry like withered petal,
So tired and weak she was;
Head shaved,
Could count ribs one by one;
In half opened eyes
She watched me,
Gestured, come hug me once,
“It’s long time,
No touch of you”;
Eyes wet, no voice in my tongue,
Hugged her,
Tears of mine, wet her soul;
A drop from her dry eyes,
Said from soul in terrible pain,
“Why this too me,
Never did wrong in my life,
Always kind,
Compassionate I was;
Where mistake had happened?
Punishing me with dreadful ‘cancer’;
It’s so painful tiring,
I cant stand;
Stay close to me my son,
My days are numbered;
Look my son,
Death envoy waving…
From height in the sky;
Waiting to take me with him,
Whispering oft,
‘O’ baby, thine world,
Is no more thine;
Incarcerated by modern world,
This world of ‘cancer’;
The food thou eat,
Assuming good for health,
But is blend of
Insecticide and pesticide;
Buildings replace the green trees,
Breeze to breathe is poison gas;
Polluted water thou drink;
Has weakened humans,
Immunity to distemper too lost;
Come baby its painful world”;

© Sadashivan Nair

It Can

It can break you and take you to places you don’t want to go
It can hit you and kick you with every heavy blow
It can rock you and shock you with its mighty fist
It can stop you and drop you into a dark abyss

It can reset you then let you drown alone
It can thump you and dump you like a stone
It can strangle you and dangle you over a cliff
It can make the supple buckle and become stiff

It can whirl you and twirl you round its little finger
It can enter right, left and centre and linger
It can think it’s ace to find a resting place so sweet
It can defeat you and eat you until it is replete

It can be spiteful and frightful any time of day
It can harass you then cast you away
It can make you grumble and keep you humble too
It can make you cry and say goodbye but never really leave you

It can be deleted
It can be defeated it can, it can, it can…

Claire Mooney, Manchester

My brother

How do you say good bye

When it is too early

We all go, we die

That is part of life

But not yet, not now

Too young

I will remember I will not forget

Underwear on our head, scuba divers

Bothering you when we were young

I just wanted to be you

My protector, my friend

It is not good bye

We will meet again

David (who read this poem at his brothers funeral in Mountain View California)